19-year-old stepson refuses to speak to father's partner for a year, protests when she won't pay for him to join them on vacation: 'He's had no relationship with me or my daughter'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 28, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Adjusting to a parent dating somebody new is something that a lot of kids find difficult. This counts for both younger and older, but in many ways, it can be more difficult with those who have reached the adolescent stage. They are already dealing with the difficulties of that awkward transition to adulthood, and adding any major changes to home life on top of that can be enough to tip them over the edge.

That being said, unless this is a situation in which they are being mistreated, there comes a time when the rebellion has to end and a sense of normalcy established. For some, this takes longer than others, and for others still, it never happens at all. If it is bad enough, it can leave the partner in question with a dilemma: is this person that they are in a relationship with worth the baggage of a stepchild who hates them?

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  • 01

    AITAH for telling my partner’s son that I don’t owe him anything?

    I've been dating Mark for 3 years. He has a 19 year old son, Ethan, and I have a 15 year old daughter, Lily. Mark moved in with us about a year ago. Ethan blames me for his parents' divorce, even though they split a year before I met Mark. From the start, he's been cruel, calling me names, even vandalizing my car with his friends a couple years back.
    via Next-Spot-4617
  • 02
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One woman found herself dealing with this after putting her foot down against paying for her partner's son to come on vacation with them. Ever since they had started dating, the 19-year-old had been disrespectful towards her, culminating in him walking out of their home a year ago after he and his partner moved in with her and her teenage daughter.

    However, once she started planning to pay for a vacation for her, her daughter, and her partner, her partner's son wanted to be included and paid for. She refused and began to face accusations of being immature and unreasonable. She wanted to know if this was true.

  • 03
    After Mark moved in, Ethan's behavior got worse. I nearly ended things, but instead, I encouraged Mark to take Ethan on a solo trip to talk and set boundaries. When they got back, Ethan calmly told me, You're not my family. You never will be. I'll be civil, but don't expect anything from me. Then he walked out. Since then, he's had no relationship with me or my daughter. He visits sometimes but won't speak to either of us.
    via Next-Spot-4617
  • 04
    Now, I'm planning a Florida trip for Mark, Lily, and me. Mark suggested inviting Ethan. I said he's welcome, but only if he or Mark pays for his flight. Ethan doesn't work, and Mark can't afford it. When Ethan heard this, he said I should pay if I want to fix things. I reminded him of his own words last year and told him, I owe you nothing. You or your dad can pay if you want to come. Now I'm being called petty and told I'm the adult who needs to make the effort. But I feel like respect goes bot
    via Next-Spot-4617
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    via Eduardo Juhyun Kim

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    Commenters warned her away from both father and son.

    judgingA-holes NTA - I mean he won't even talk to you or your daughter when he visits your home, but you should pay for him to go on vacation. No, that's not how that works. Actions have consequences: his actions were being an a h_le, and his consequence is he doesn't get a vacation that you are paying for.
    via judgingA-holes
  • 07
    VoteB tch Also, if he doesn't even want to TALK to OP or her daughter, why would he want to be on this trip? To just sulk in the corner?
    via VoteBtch
  • 08
    Popular Soup_127 Respect is earned not given. He's never respected you so why do you have to respect him. NTA btw
    via Popular_Soup_127
  • 09
    Sea_Firefighter_4598 NTA. You are being generous by even allowing him to come. Why would you pay to get verbally abused on vacation? If Ethan is 19 he is also adult. You can tell him that perhaps you don't want to fix things.
    via Sea_Firefighter_4598
  • 10
    Lonestarlady_66 NTA, this is what karma & being an adult looks like. He want's to be an a_h_le and act like a spoiled child and still wants all the benefits, sorry it doesn't work that way. This is called being an adult, he should get used to it.
    via Lonestarlady_66
  • 11
    vann_siegert You are not the a h le. You need to have an honest, direct conversation with Mark. If you two can't come to an understanding about Ethan, then it might be time to reconsider things.
    via vann_siegert
  • 12
    IAmEggnogstic I will never continue to date a guy my kids don't like. Period. My mom married a guy my sister and I couldn't stand. He's got real issues but my mom was lonely. 22 years later and she has no relationship with her 6 grands and 2 children because she chose a door-to-door vacuum salesman over her family. I know plenty of friends who's parent chose a gf or bf over their relationship with their kids. I won't be that person. It's so trashy to be like "well, Bob's moving in on Wednesday w
    via IAmEggnogstic
  • 13
    NTA SockMaster9273 Ethan is also an adult. At this rate, I would say if Mark keeps it up, it becomes a girls trip.
    via SockMaster9273
  • 14
    Alternative_End_8803 Is Mark even worth the relationship? NTA but I would be rethinking this relationship. Respect goes both ways and Ethan made it clear that he doesn't respect you. He's just tolerating you and now wants a free trip from you.
    via Alternative_End_8803
  • 15
    Foreign_Sky_1309 Of course he wants the free trip, his father is getting a free ride. The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I blame the boyfriend here 100 and hope OP will see through the chaos soon. This boyfriend doesn't care about his son as he should be guiding him correctly and isn't. I'd say he only cares about himself.
    via Foreign_Sky_1309
  • 16
    TowerApprehensive 154 I'm always astounded by the fact that women stay in relationships with men who allow them to be disrespected to such an extent. You're telling me that your man could not manage his disgusting, ab ive son even when he vandalized your property (which you should've sued him for), and is probably dependent on you financially (bc you said he can't afford to buy a plane ticket for his good-for-nothing son and looks to you for that), and you are STILL with him? At some point you n
    via TowerApprehensive154
  • 17
    MissingPerson321 All of this. If we would tell our daughters to leave, we should leave.
    via MissingPerson321
  • 18
    Hankwho42 Why do you want either of them in your life?
    via Hankwho42
  • 19
    AnnNonNeeMous Ethan is 19. He is an adult. Don't you dare pay for his tickets. Oh, totally NTA.
    via AnnNonNeeMous
  • 20
    Feeling-Specialist-1 NTA If Mark wants Ethan to come, he can cover the cost.
    via Feeling-Specialist-1
  • 21
    NYCStoryteller NTA. However, if you're going to have a relationship with his father, then his father needs to set some boundaries with his kid, ASAP. And his ADULT child can get a job or his dad can work some extra hours. It's definitely not your responsibility to treat his a h le kid to a trip when he can't even treat you with respect in your own house. I don't know why you're still in this relationship. The can't be that good.
    via NYCStoryteller
  • 22
    Pressnspeak The biggest AH is Mark. Fullstop. Period. Need I say more. OP why do you have to stoop so low to have Mark in your life. In your story, you nearly called it quits. You know what, that was the time you should have quit on this parasitic relationship. Hope you move on. Looks like you are paying for Mark too, and he moved in with you. What is his financial contribution to your household? Ethan's mother dodged the bullets that you are lodging. As long as you have Mark, Ethan will always
    via Pressnspeak
  • 23
    Able-Butterfly4320 Why are you dating Mark lol? How goods the d that you're tolerating this bs? NTA tho lol
    via Able-Butterfly4320
  • 24
    t-t-throwawayyy Low key you are an ah for staying in this relationship where these idiot jar openers disrespect you.
    via t-t-throwawayyy
  • 25
    fiestaware YTA for forcing your 15 yo daughter to accept this drama as a normal part of her life. If you weren't with this man she wouldn't be dealing with any of this, but for some reason you have to be with him and make her and your life worse. Incredibly selfish. You have ONE job--provide a stable home for your child, and you failed.
    via fiestaware

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